The Clash of the Titans

I am not talking about the new movie that is coming out, but that does look pretty good. This is something more real and a lot closer to home.  I have noticed an increasing amount of bickering and just plain annoyance within our little family.  As much as I want to say, "I don't know what is going on"  I think I do.  We have been going through a down cycle on our family scripture reading.  We all have our ups and downs, well, I guess I should speak for myself, but our family sure does.  I know it is because we have not truly let ourselves believe or feel that we have a "home".  We have been living with my Mom and Dad for nearly a year now (sheesh, how did that happen).  We keep saying that in three months we will be moving out, we will get our own place then.  So, I think we keep living in a constant state of temporary-ness. We don't get into any routines, because we don't want this to feel like a permanent home.  What does a family need:  stability, permanence, routine.  I think I need to accept that those qualities don't come from a place but from actions from those who live in a place.

I LOVE this quote from Marion G. Romney, it is in the Gospel Doctrine Study Guide for The Book of Mormon:


“I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1980, 90; or Ensign, May 1980, 67).



Well, I know this is true.  I believe it with all my heart and soul.   I have experienced it during our up cycles, when we are consistently reading our scriptures together.  But my testimony has grown in this down cycle because we are experiencing the exact opposite of what it promises, and we are NOT reading regularly. So, even though I am experiencing the negative effects of this, I am feeling my testimony of The Book of Mormon grow.  I KNOW that I, and we as a family, MUST start reading again.

To avoid any embarrassment, let me explain some events that have occurred with child A,B,C (in no particular order)

Child A & B, start fighting about who knows what, Mom (I am not afraid of being named) decides to have them sing "Jesus Said Love Everyone" to each other. They are to stand in a tile square, face each other, touch nothing, no sitting, no leaning, etc...

You know the Primary Song:

"Jesus said love everyone
Treat them kindly, too.
When your heart is filled with love,
Others will love you."

Child B tries to coerce Child A to sing it so they can get off their assigned tile squares. Child B says, "I will count to 5 and we will sing. 1,2,3,4,5..."  I hear nothing, silence.  This continues on for four or five rounds.  Child B proceeds to get upset with Child A.

Here is our conversation
B:  He/she won't sing
Mom:  You aren't singing either. You are counting to five and then you don't start
B: It's all her/his fault. I would start if he/she would.
Mom:  Maybe he/she is thinking the same thing.  They are waiting for you to start singing.
B: It's all A's fault!
Mom: (repeat) You aren't singing either.

Trying to rationalize with your kids just doesn't work most of the time.  Finally Child B sings on their own.  Child A, decides to keep this up for over an hour.  I can't give in now, I've got to stick to my guns.  I can't show weakness.  I let Child A come in my room. 
Child A begs to sit down, "My legs hurt from standing so long"
Mom:  You know how to end this, we will call B back in and you can sing and be done.
A:  Can't I just sit down, my legs hurt! (sobbing, etc...)
Mom: Nope, you have the power to end this.

I finally start to feel bad for A, but A is so stubborn sometimes.  If I let A win this battle I come out the loser.  So, I try to help A a little.  I say I will hum along with him/her, even play the song from my MP3 player on my phone. So, we call B in, and B even says they will sing along.  Wow, I think, this is turning around.  So, I start my phone playing the song, I start humming, B is singing.  I occasionally stop humming to listen to A.  A is not singing, she isn't even "talk-singing", she is kind of mouthing the words with an occasional sound coming out of the mouth.  And all long there is a grumpy face on A. So we stop these shenanigans.  We try again, ten minutes later and there is some "talk-singing" from A, a slightly less grumpy face.  I say this is acceptable and we are done.  The next day, there is another episode.  I had told Norm (again, he is not afraid to be named) about this whole scenario so he trudges into another singing session with A & B after a spat.  He later tells me that this whole singing "Jesus Said Love Everyone" to each other is bogus.  He said, "oh, they sang, but you could hear in their voices and see in their faces that they really wanted to point fingers and say "When YOUR heart (not mine) is filled with love others will love YOU (not me). So we were back to blaming someone else.  I guess this idea may not work.

Child B and I had an episode this morning.  Child B was looking for a brush and constantly snuffing their nose, which is a HUGE pet peeve of mine.  I say, with raised eyebrows, "B, what do you need to do"  Easily understood as "Go blow your nose!"  I see B make this "I hate you face", I lose it, grab her/his arm and direct her/him to the bathroom to get a tissue.  I say to B that I better not see the "I hate you face" anymore.  But, I soon realize that I am probably using a very angry voice and I am sure my face is not saying "I love you"  So, who  is at fault,  only B?  Sadly, I must say no, I need to find a different way to react to B.  There is some clashing going on here and I can only sense that it will get worse before it gets better if I don't do something to change it.  I am letting B control me.  I am the adult and I need to remain in control.  I am quickly realizing that this situation is beyond my ability to handle on my own.  I will be praying for strength and direction on this one.

As you might have noticed, Child C has not been mentioned.  This post has become way too long.  So, drama with Child C will be saved for another day.